We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
