There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
