I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
