I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
