He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I met the friendliest cop last night
stop calling my apartment porn island.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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