I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Alive.
So much puke
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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