I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize