Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
