I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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