Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
