i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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