flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
