i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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