Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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