HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
