ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
