btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
