the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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