Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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