and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
