my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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