yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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