So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
