So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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