walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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