I'm drive I can fine osifer
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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