I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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