You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
