she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
