i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
