Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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