just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The Olympian is in my bed
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