Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
