Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
