i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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