you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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