There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
