haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
