plz talk dirty to me
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
