Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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