I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
