The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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