i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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