Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
