I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
