Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
