We won't sleep together?
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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