I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
