Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
