I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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