This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You took a bar mat shot.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing