so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
