I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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