my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
