I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
worst night to have a conscience
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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