you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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