I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
