Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's not a walk of shame if you run
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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