I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
