I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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