I'm going to jail i love you
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
