Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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