how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
