I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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