I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
