best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
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He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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