its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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