I wish you could order shots online.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
